Affair

A comment of mine that went in a magazine

Happy Monday! Here's a dilemma for you - remember to comment as much as you can to get £25!

A few years ago, my parents divorced after my mum found out my Dad was having an affair with another woman. He left and moved in with her and they’ve recently had a baby. Mum has always had trouble coming to terms with what happened and resents him so much. They've since had a baby and she hasn't been coping well. My sister and I, who are both in our thirties, still see him. However, Mum has told us how she feels betrayed that we have a relationship with him. We know he shouldn’t have cheated as it's caused so much heartache but he's still our Dad. I feel really torn, as I've always been on Mum's side. Should we stop seeing him?

I can feel your pain and the dilemma you are in. It's not an easy situation .  And also, I really understand how your mum is still so hurt by the betrayal and feel for her too. I have no idea how I would feel if that happened to me ( I've been married for forty seven years) or to my own parents who were married for sixty three years before they died. How would us children have dealt with that? It's a big thing. Society today brushes it off so easily.

Your poor mum is suffering so much. It was an horrendous thing to have happened.  

But, you are right, he is still your dad and you and your sister should have a relationship with him, of that there is no doubt. It is absolutely  not a question of taking sides, you can be sure of that. And whilst you say you've always been on mum's side, which is understandable, it's time to let go of the idea that you stand with one or the other. You have two parents, a mother and a father, be loyal to them both. Love them both, equally if you can. You may find that you get a bit cross with dad because he caused so much heartache, but at the end of the day, he is your dad and we are all flawed in some way. 

Try to explain to mum that you don't love her any the less and by loving your dad you are putting her teaching of love into practice. Explain that you only have one father and one mother and whatever they are like you will love them. Maybe you could help your dear mum to decide not to allow your father to hurt her anymore. As it is, she was hurt by the betrayal and is still hurting by continuing to live it. Hold her close, but don't stop seeing your dad.
With a lot of love and affection for both of them you will bring happiness to yourself as well as to them . And if she is willing, keep your sister in the loop too. Build on the good.