Yes, I'm Thankful

 17th January 2021.

Yes, I'm Thankful

This morning, while wasting time looking at Facebook, I came  across, Astrid's Ten Things of Thankful, which she had difficulty posting on the link. Reading it brought to mind that, although I haven't recently expressed it, I am, myself,  thankful for many things. Yes, there are many blessings in my life. So, here are some.

1. For life itself,  every breath that I take, reminding me that my death will come soon enough, but just now I have some more living to do and I'd better get on with it.  I thank God that for bringing more life into the world through me. I'm thankful that my dear husband was part of that. All those beautiful souls who are our children and grandchildren. 

2. My birthday this week, even in Lockdown was a lovely celebration. I'm thankful for family and friends that made me feel special. A family zoom party with my grandchildren reading favourite poems and bringing news, one even baking a cake, but eating it herself because she can't visit, all brought tears to my eyes - in a good way. A friend who dropped in flowers, another who delivered a bottle of Baileys, a daughter who brought plants and a bottle of Riocca, a son who got me a bar of chocolate,  multiple phone messages, singing in the Writers Hour zoom session and again at Open Mic- so much love out there for me. Incredible.

3. I'm thankful that I've written so much of the memoir. Editing now. It'll take a while but, most things are on the page. I never thought I'd get this far. Hopefully , it will actually get finished. 

4. And for finding and working with The London Writers Salon I am hugely thankful. Writing with the group everyday has given me purpose during this time of Pandemic. Doing the Artists Way with some fellow writes from the Writers Hour has been life changing in many ways, giving me especially the courage to own, use and be proud of my own words. It's been a brilliant journey and I've made wonderful friendships, that I hope to keep. 

5. For the wonderful privilege of living by the coast, with chances to listen to the sound of waves, rhythmically performing their work hour after hour, day after day, never the same, creating stories , pictures, building dreams . Listening, you will hear of distant shores, every drop in the ocean with it's tale to tale as it makes it's way around the earth.  Coming away, behind the coastguard hut, the sudden silence embraces you. Silence has many shapes . Sometimes, it's rocky and hard and You might try to avoid it, another time it's soft, comfortable and you want to hug it. But the silence behind the shed is surprising in it's empty vastness.

6. I'm thankful  for my new pile of books. Not easy to spend the money on me, courage was needed and called on and came . I now have seven books waiting . Better than having no books to look forward to. At any time now, I'll be able to find something to keep me occupied. Love my books. Maybe I am a booky  type after all.

7. I'm thankful for my fountain pen, which I love and which I have found a new cartridge convertor for. Are you thinking what is a cartridge convertor? I had the same thought. But it's quite magical. Instead of buying cartridges, now I will have a bottle of ink and fill up the convertor. Much more efficient - apparently. I'll let you know on that one.

8. And for feeling that there is hope. Yes, I am thankful that I can see hope for a different future. But hope is of the moment and I don't look to far ahead. Each hour, each day brings it's own dose of hope and I grab it ride with it.

9. This week I cleaned the bathrooms. They are both shiny and clean, which makes me happy. And when the bathrooms are clean it means I'm avoiding some other work I need to get on with. It's good to be under pressure sometimes. At least the housework gets done.

10. And have I said it already , that words can't contain the thankfulness I have for my hubby and all my family. A gift indeed, a blessing.

Well I didn't think I'd get to ten things, but there you go.  

    

Silence

9th March 2020

Just a few words today.

We should be in The Holy Land, but Bethlehem is on 30 day lock down because of the corona virus.

We went out on Thursday and were in the air when the lock down was put into effect. Our pilgrimage agents took the decision , for our safety , to fly us home the next day. We spent a night in Tel Aviv , had a couple of hours whizzing around Jerusalem where we were blessed to be able to go to the Church of The Holy Sepulchre, before rushing back to the airport. 

We intend to go back.

Silence

She will not be known

 by that name anymore,

Philomena.

They gave her that name.

She was five.

Her parents dead.

She was taken to 

the convent in Eniscothy.

They never  broke her will, 

though,

she sweated 

in the the laundry,

every day,

though,

they gave her

weak broth for food,

though,

 she was allowed,

 no conversation, 

or any time for 

childlike activities

Deep inside s

he clung to hope

of new beginnings,

a better life.

The secret silence,

loud as thunder.

the silence,

that separated,

the silence,

a tight chain,

cramped

around her soul.

Now, 

today,

Marie, will shatter 

that silence.

This thought,

before she speaks,

before her family 

knows, 

reacts, 

this thought itself, 

releases the tension,

the fetters fall, 

her lungs fill,

air, freedom, promise.

After supper, 

husband, children,

banter,

who's turn  the 

washing up?

She calls them,

sits them down,

spills it out,

tears fall, 

bathe the hurt .

For long moments,

no one speaks, 

then they hug her,

say, everything's ok,

we're here.

She says,

my name is Marie.

They nod

Day 15 - Mother May I

15th Oct 2019



Day 15, of OctPoWriMo 2019

What a challenge this is. Nearly half way there. Will I make it ??? I don't know but I will try.
Prompt today - Mother May I ...

Mother May I

Mother may I sit with you 

like I used to do before

Listen to your warm soft voice

telling of days of yore

Drink some tea out of china cups

best that way you say

eat your brackbread spread with  butter

thick on top it lay

Mother may I tell you things that 

meant a lot to me

Things we never talked about and 

Now can never  be 

How hurt I was by all the times you 

criticized my life

how every time your hateful words cut 

through me like a knife

I know you thought yourself so kind

kindness was your thing

But for me and mine you always chose 

a meaner song to sing

And now you're gone and it's too late

to rectify the wrong

I wish I'd had the courage then,  to 

stand up tall and strong

Day 11 Silence or Noise

11th Oct 2019

It is day 11 of the OctPoWrimMo 2019 challenge. 
Here is my contribution:

                                             


                                                                       Silence 


.                                  Life -dark -red

Drips

 from gaping wounds,

Drips

 from skin-slashed and torn,

Drips

from forehead pierced with thorns.

Bent ,

unable to stand upright,

Bent,

struggling for breath.

Yet,

 with peace,

Peace, 

 beyond all knowing.

                                                                   
                                                                       He, is silent,

                                                                  Silent

2 Oct 2019 Changeling

2nd Oct 2019

Day 2 of octpowrimo.
Why don't you have a go. It would be lovely to see your words.

Going for an acrostic as I found the prompt, Changeling,  a bit hard. I was thinking of my boy, who has ADHD and didn't "fit" societal expectations.

Changeling

Child with extraordinary powers, not understood by those who
Have preconceived ideas of a normal sort of life, a life that fits their comfort,
A life that doesn't veer from the road, the wide path everyone knows
No, they cannot see the magic in the manifestations of this dear creature's
Great adventure, where anything is possible and no limits exist, where
Everything is taken and explored and exploded and enthused over,
Larger than the life he's been given, he
Is the inventor most magnificent, the
Nobleman in his own country, encountering all with joy
Going at the speed of light, no, not understood

Three years ago today

11th March 2019

I don't usually share writing from my journals, especially on my blog, which obviously, gets seen by so many people.
But I make an exception today.
Three years ago today a grandson was born - he was neither the first child nor grandchild, but when I heard the news early in the morning I had to go to my journal. Looking back, I'm surprised by the joy of it, considering it was only a month after my mum died.
I copy exactly as I wrote it, unedited, bearing in mind, it's a stream on consciousness.

11th March 2016


Well, what news, there you are , another new addition!
Baby Walker, born 4.25 am this morning. What lovely news.
We will go over later, for a few hours. New life, new hope - that
makes twenty one grandchildren now and what is to be is yet to be revealed.
I just wonder what the family will look like in ten or twenty years time. No doubt there'll
be more grandchildren, but also more great grandchildren.
What a blessing it is, our large family. And each new addition so precious.
Your tiny hands, baby,  that will one day perform that many tasks of life. That cheeky smile that says,
"Heh, it's good to be here with you guys!" Those chubby legs that will eventually get into, goodness knows what, mischief as well as kicking a ball and running with brothers and sisters and cousins.
Who does he look like? Seeing the family genes in each of his delicious expressions.
And don't cry, baby, we're all here for you.
What will you be like? How tall? What will you like to do? What will you be good at? What kind of person will you become?
We love you to bits already, even though we haven't met you yet. Your softness calls to us to hold you close, showing you how the world can be comfortable, safe and kine. You might learn otherwise later.
But for now, for you, the world is wonderful.
And I am your Grams. Hopefully we'll get lots of time together to get to know each other. Hope fully, I'll be blessed with many more years of life, so I'll be able to enjoy you own family, if you have one,  in the future.
I wonder what your brother and sister will make of you. Livi has been looking forward to your coming for such a long time now. She'll be over the moon with you' I'm sure.
And your dad, his heart will melt , he'll fall in love with your obvious likeness to him, part of him. He'll love you with his life.
And of course, your mum will be so happy.
See what joy you bring to the world.  All your aunties and uncles, cousins and other relations there for you, loving you already. You are one lucky little boy. And still no name yet, though it is early days. "Baby Walker" - we laughed at that this morning, at the pun.
As I get older I get more sentimental about our family. It becomes more important and my hope is that I see more of all my children ( those with or those without children ) and all the grandchildren. I'll have to make plans....

Looking at You

19th July 2018

Looking at You

I look at you on that day, more than sixty five years ago. No idea what was in store for you both. You stepped out on an adventure of love to build a life. 

You were to have three children, thirteen grandchildren and the great grandchildren are still coming. In your rich lives you created many memories and have been part of numerous lives. 

Today I look at you here, ma and pa, and I miss you.

Lost In Autumn

18th Dec 2017

Lost In Autumn

Born in springtime,

 mama tree pushed you out 

a brand new bud.

delicate baby on bare branch,

 you unfurled - sweet, sacred promise. 

Life water and nutrients absorbed

 from the blood of ancestors fed you

 roots reached down  into times unknown 

you, in turn, produced sugar sap

 nourishment for your tree.

In the rays of the sun,

you opened up,

 danced and dallied

 through the summer 

of your life, 

strong veins forming

 your  particular self  shape -

 you.

Happiness and hope you  gifted 

 to those who wandered  your wood

  fruitful, filled, days, 

some, satiated by your colour, your light 

went away refreshed, replenished

you, only being yourself,

 unaware how  your warmth 

 touched those souls.

It was  your time, your season - 

with others you wove

  a soft web of wonder,

waving from your branch ,

 bestowing  magic on all

 who wanted to  see.

So,  when the cold came

 and your green grew dim

Your sparkle diminished 

 it was hard to take.

Signs of yellowing

 took us by surprise,

 halted us in our tracks.

With  shortening days,

 orange specks appeared 

 and the  weakening began

 your edges getting brittle , 

 other leaves falling

dropping  to the ground 

all around . 

Suddenly

 it was your turn,

reluctantly

 you let go ,

 fluttered to the earth,

you died in the autumn 

as it was right that you should,

 but it was hard.

Be Present - Kate's blog

It is a year later . I'd like to share with you my daughter's blog:

GODWHERESTHEMANUAL.WORDPRESS.COM

Especially for mums...


1st March 2016

Can't believe the blog has had nearly 14000 visits... Wow...

Looking back at this poem, Acting The Story,  from the 18th April when I was doing the poem a day challenge, I smiled as I remembered working with my friend Trish at the Children's Literary Festival in Herne Bay ( the first one, hopefully not the last)
The children had a great deal of fun as they were taken into new adventures through stories that were already well known to them. They were the main protagonists in the adventures. Such a good time...
But I'm finding it difficult to think about a response to the poem.


Be Present

The story of life is acted out at the dawn of each new day,
We plan and plot what we'll do, where we'll go, what we'll say.
Then the turn of events don't match with our story
We're faced with lots of change, another script for our way.

But don't get confused, disheartened, try not to be perturbed ,
Live this time in the present moment, savour it, don't get disurbed.
For there's nothing to be done about what's gone,
And as we've seen what is  to come is quite often curbed.

So be present to what there is of you in the moment that is now,
If you take care to notice it enough it will give you a great big WOW.








OK so it's
Day 18: 18th April, 18th poem  -

Acting The Story

Room set up ,

Hat - ready,

Clammy hands fumble with words -

 No more time to check,

Props in four piles,

Anticipating adventure.

Two wait,

Wait and chat,

Chit chat,

Say nothing
Open the window,

Wait ,
Wait - for...

Children- 

They will come,

They will...

Clock time-sixth glance,
Two minutes...

And then, 

Seeing  double ,
Checked shirts slowly creep in,

Twins - boys

Next - sisters -walking tight as one,
Hand gripping hand
For safety,
The younger -- fair,

The older dark.

They came,

The storyteller looks for her hat,

Deep breath...

Now we begin..