Silence

9th March 2020

Just a few words today.

We should be in The Holy Land, but Bethlehem is on 30 day lock down because of the corona virus.

We went out on Thursday and were in the air when the lock down was put into effect. Our pilgrimage agents took the decision , for our safety , to fly us home the next day. We spent a night in Tel Aviv , had a couple of hours whizzing around Jerusalem where we were blessed to be able to go to the Church of The Holy Sepulchre, before rushing back to the airport. 

We intend to go back.

Silence

She will not be known

 by that name anymore,

Philomena.

They gave her that name.

She was five.

Her parents dead.

She was taken to 

the convent in Eniscothy.

They never  broke her will, 

though,

she sweated 

in the the laundry,

every day,

though,

they gave her

weak broth for food,

though,

 she was allowed,

 no conversation, 

or any time for 

childlike activities

Deep inside s

he clung to hope

of new beginnings,

a better life.

The secret silence,

loud as thunder.

the silence,

that separated,

the silence,

a tight chain,

cramped

around her soul.

Now, 

today,

Marie, will shatter 

that silence.

This thought,

before she speaks,

before her family 

knows, 

reacts, 

this thought itself, 

releases the tension,

the fetters fall, 

her lungs fill,

air, freedom, promise.

After supper, 

husband, children,

banter,

who's turn  the 

washing up?

She calls them,

sits them down,

spills it out,

tears fall, 

bathe the hurt .

For long moments,

no one speaks, 

then they hug her,

say, everything's ok,

we're here.

She says,

my name is Marie.

They nod

Three years ago today

11th March 2019

I don't usually share writing from my journals, especially on my blog, which obviously, gets seen by so many people.
But I make an exception today.
Three years ago today a grandson was born - he was neither the first child nor grandchild, but when I heard the news early in the morning I had to go to my journal. Looking back, I'm surprised by the joy of it, considering it was only a month after my mum died.
I copy exactly as I wrote it, unedited, bearing in mind, it's a stream on consciousness.

11th March 2016


Well, what news, there you are , another new addition!
Baby Walker, born 4.25 am this morning. What lovely news.
We will go over later, for a few hours. New life, new hope - that
makes twenty one grandchildren now and what is to be is yet to be revealed.
I just wonder what the family will look like in ten or twenty years time. No doubt there'll
be more grandchildren, but also more great grandchildren.
What a blessing it is, our large family. And each new addition so precious.
Your tiny hands, baby,  that will one day perform that many tasks of life. That cheeky smile that says,
"Heh, it's good to be here with you guys!" Those chubby legs that will eventually get into, goodness knows what, mischief as well as kicking a ball and running with brothers and sisters and cousins.
Who does he look like? Seeing the family genes in each of his delicious expressions.
And don't cry, baby, we're all here for you.
What will you be like? How tall? What will you like to do? What will you be good at? What kind of person will you become?
We love you to bits already, even though we haven't met you yet. Your softness calls to us to hold you close, showing you how the world can be comfortable, safe and kine. You might learn otherwise later.
But for now, for you, the world is wonderful.
And I am your Grams. Hopefully we'll get lots of time together to get to know each other. Hope fully, I'll be blessed with many more years of life, so I'll be able to enjoy you own family, if you have one,  in the future.
I wonder what your brother and sister will make of you. Livi has been looking forward to your coming for such a long time now. She'll be over the moon with you' I'm sure.
And your dad, his heart will melt , he'll fall in love with your obvious likeness to him, part of him. He'll love you with his life.
And of course, your mum will be so happy.
See what joy you bring to the world.  All your aunties and uncles, cousins and other relations there for you, loving you already. You are one lucky little boy. And still no name yet, though it is early days. "Baby Walker" - we laughed at that this morning, at the pun.
As I get older I get more sentimental about our family. It becomes more important and my hope is that I see more of all my children ( those with or those without children ) and all the grandchildren. I'll have to make plans....

Hope at Easter

3rd April 2018.

I am amazed to discover that I there have been over 40,000 visits to my blog!! Yes, I know, hard to believe, isn't it ? Well it's all down to you, my lovely readers. I feel I have let you down lately though with the frequency and quality of posts. But...

Last year I was doing the "Poem a Day In April" challenge. I can't do it this year but thought I'd just take a look back to see how I got on. Most of the writing I've not looked at since.
Here is the one from this day last year:


 Past Bones

Keep hold of that thread,

Let it hang from ancestral  bones

Giving meaning to who we become
Every movement has its reason,

The flower, growing in timely season,

Where what has been

Has come to this,
This, the softness of the present

The delight of now

Hold on to that thread,
Portraying past bones

Though not too tightly

For, each moment inform's the next,

Each thread must be snipped,

Left behind 

To free the mind


Comment:
Reading this in this season of Easter makes me think of the Hope that we have now with thoughts of the resurrection . Letting go of the past but not forgetting. Moving forward freely without letting the past hold us back.  It has a certain sense of freedom to it.

Day 10- Ponderings

Ponderings

At Christmas time we often think of those not with us, whether through death or geographic distance  and looking at this poem about my Nan seems so appropriate.
The post also refers to the accolade of being poet of the day with my poem " Go This Way" which you can find back on the 3rd April.
But there is also lots of looking forward...
I look forward to seeing my new grandaughter who is one week old today..Little Molly . That brings the number up to twenty. This is my treasure .... And with a beautiful great grandchild as well,  I feel well blessed.
I look forward to a course that I want to do in January that will help with my work .
I look forward to 2016, the year my husband and I will travel ( not sure what manifestation this will take)
I look forward to my friend moving to my town and us getting to know each other better.
I look forward to lots of family get - togethers where all the generations grow to love the others more.
I look forward to hearing all the stories my children and grandchildren will bring to me to share their ups and downs...
I look forward in hope.... for all of this and more....
I look forward.....




10th April

So happy to have been chosen as the poet of the day yesterday by napowrimo.net


Day 10:  10th April, 10th poem

Yesterday I was thinking about old age, as you do. And what came to mind vividly was my relationship with my grandmother. An inspiration to me all my life. She died twenty four years ago but I am the person I am because of her. She had a huge influence on my life.




Nan

My pillar, strong, constant
There in my uncertainty
In the chaos of my wanderings
Unshakable in my instability.
With you the colour of being
Was not elusive or fleeting
With the blustery winds
Of breathing.
With you  unrest of spirit
Was calmed with the powerful
warmth of intimate confidence
With  you I learnt to savour
Those moments of
moving forward
Towards changeless
Substance.