27th April.
Six sentences and using the cue n- "well"
Packing
Jackie sat on his bed and helped Daniel to pack his suitcase, slowly folding each jumper and t shirt and handing them to him, brushing her fingers against his and wondering how they had lived together in the same flat for the last three years without getting close romantically.
"Pass me those books, please," he put out his hand without looking at her, seemingly oblivious to her grief, which, to be fair she was trying to hide.
Why hadn't she done something before, she thought as she passed him the book of poems they used to read on rainy evenings whilst drinking a glass of Rose.
Was it too late now, she thought, after all the train to Doncaster would leave Bath at four o'clock and then he would be gone forever.
"I'll miss you," she whispered, reaching for his hand, their eyes meeting, each pouring into the other the longing that, secretly, they held between them.
"Well," he said softly, pulling her towards him, "you can always get a job in Bath and follow me down and do you know what, I'd like nothing better"
What a sweet and tender tale of suppressed longings, Maz! I was delighted in the end to discover that they both had feelings for each other, and there was hope that the relationship could continue and grow. Why is it that we fail to tell each other how we feel? Fear of rejection I suppose, but if we don't share we are sure to lose them anyway. I want to believe that they went on to get married and live happily ever after!
ReplyDeleteNot too late...
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how people can talk past each other for so long, but i do hope she follows him.
ReplyDeleteyeah! simple set-up, identifiable situation, what an effective Six Sentence story you have here!
ReplyDeleteThree years! What have they been doing? However by his response it looks as though he is keen enough, perhaps she had been playing the field and now it is a little late if she wants to stay in Bath.
ReplyDeleteSome times friends choose to stay that way, not to wreck a good thing. This is a wonderfully vivid story and I, for one, love a happy ending. She'll follow him, don't you think?
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be the naysayer here and hope she doesn't follow him. I do see the hopeful potential here, absolutely. But somehow I get a vibe that he's focused only on him and if she wants to follow, fine, but if not that's fine, too. I'm skeptical. :D
ReplyDelete